Moving

On Saturday Benjamin started a new chapter in his life. He moved out, (kind of.) he has left for college. He's all grown up ! He has moved in to a flat with 3 other guys. ("Who is supposed to do the cleaning then ?!" - Well my dear that would be you, you move out, you clean up !! x)

When you move out, you have to move in. That would normally be Dad's job, but as our life isn't normal, so Mum was the one that had to help BJ. Fortunately his room is furnished so he just needed to take clothes, towels etc. But it's hard knowing that if things were different Mum and Dad would have taken him and then had a few days holiday just the two of them...

Thinking about it, Sam is the only one that had Dad's help moving in... 

When Ceddy and I moved in together, Dad was already in a wheelchair, so we moved ourselves in, with help from the boys. Dad has only been once to my flat, (so has Mum, as I live 45 minutes away from them, and Mum only has a few hours when the nurse is with Dad it's a bit complicated to organize.)
The problem is, I can't stand this flat anymore. When we first moved in, we thought it was cute, full of corners. (In the living/dining room there are 9 !!! Try fitting anything in!) and all white. But that was over 3 years ago and I'm starting to feel like I'm in a mental institute, minus the padded walls !! 
Ceddy grew up on a farm and we have always had a garden so not having one here is hard. We can't even have a BBQ ! Or sit and have a glass of wine, well we could sit in the middle of the road but not keen on moving every few minutes when a car drives past. Oh and don't get me started on some of the weird neighbors.

So we are talking about moving, but if we move, then Dad will never see it in person. At least he has been here. We have proof on the doors, where the wheelchair brushed past and left blue paint residue. And he wont be able to help redecorate, or come and mow the lawn …

That reminds of a story. When the tiles were being laid in the hall at M&D's Dad called me down to help. (I had more important things to do like paint my nails) And he told me that I needed to lay some tiles, and I thought, "what do I need to do that for, I've just painted my nails." So he said "no you are going to lay some, I am going to tell you how to do it." (He was struggling to move his arms at this point so he couldn't show me.) We decided that I should lay the ones under the stairs (now a cupboard.) because that is where there is the most weight, as there is always stuff on them so they needed to be perfectly set. (Yes boys that’s why and not because he thought that they may be wonky!!!!) We had fun doing that (no that's a lie sorry, who has fun laying tiles especially just after painting their nails!) I remember thinking "this is boring why am I doing this", then it hit me... Daddy was making me put the huge and heavy tiles down with him, because he knew that one day I would need to put tiles down in my own house and he wont be able to help me.

Once all my floor is down I'll be able to say "I did that, good job Daddy taught me!" and it will be as if he was there doing it with me.

After that realisation, when he would ask me if I wanted to put a shelf up, I didn't moan too much and would help, because I knew he was teaching me for when I needed to do it for myself. 

Although I know how to do boy stuff, I think in some ways I'm still a little girl wanting to make sure that her Daddy is proud of her. Not very long ago Ceddy and I built this amazingly beautiful and impressive well. And before we put down each stone I would check with Dad to see what he thought. For the cement, Daddy is it 2 parts 1 part or is that porridge ?! The boys (including Ceddy) make fun of me, but I think it's partly to keep him in the loop that I do it, and to remind Dad that even though I'm all grown up I still need him. He may not be able to do the jobs anymore but he can still give his opinion and tell us how to do it.

I know that one day I will move and he won't be able to help, but that is how our life is and I have to accept that even if it's tough... There are lot's of things that he won't be able to live fully, I know he will never be able to hold his grandchildren in his arms but we will find a way to make it work, we always do. I'll just put the baby down for it's nap in with Dad, then they can nap together. (Mum if you are reading this out to Dad, reassure him that I am not pregnant please! I wouldn't let him know on here, I'd send him a facebook message ;o) xxx) 

So if you need any tiles laying or shelves putting up. Just let me know I'll show you how to do it. ;-)

XOXO